I'm okay with my tax dollars paying for this
December 29, 2023 3:36 PM Subscribe
National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse is such a dystopian name.
posted by smelendez at 3:53 PM on December 29, 2023 [10 favorites]
posted by smelendez at 3:53 PM on December 29, 2023 [10 favorites]
Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Can you smell carrots?
posted by Paul Slade at 3:54 PM on December 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
A: Can you smell carrots?
posted by Paul Slade at 3:54 PM on December 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
A few years ago, Ricochet the Younger gave me a compilation of dad jokes for Xmas with the express rule that I not deploy them on her. It’s too bad: some approach the sublime.
“The police asked me where I was from three to five. I said, ‘Preschool.’”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:58 PM on December 29, 2023 [27 favorites]
“The police asked me where I was from three to five. I said, ‘Preschool.’”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:58 PM on December 29, 2023 [27 favorites]
● Knock knock.
■ Who's there?
● To.
■ To who?
● To whom.
posted by lalochezia at 4:05 PM on December 29, 2023 [24 favorites]
This campaign was apparently launched in 2017, and one of my local radio stations still runs the ad spots. I can't find the exact ones they use, but they mention that dad jokes get kids to think about language.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 4:18 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 4:18 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
There's a fatherhood.gov billboard that just went up near my house in the last few weeks. Their association with a database of dad jokes will only deepen the discussion we had at dinner earlier this week: whether dad jokes constitute a form of emotional abuse, or are a positive force for children's development. Research publications were cited on both sides.
Which is good, because only using one side would be a waste of paper.
posted by nickmark at 4:29 PM on December 29, 2023 [60 favorites]
Which is good, because only using one side would be a waste of paper.
posted by nickmark at 4:29 PM on December 29, 2023 [60 favorites]
Q: What do cows like to do with their friends?
A: Watch mooooooovies.
To which my 5-year-old granddaughter replies, “Cows don’t watch movies, grandpa.”
Kids theses days.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:30 PM on December 29, 2023 [11 favorites]
A: Watch mooooooovies.
To which my 5-year-old granddaughter replies, “Cows don’t watch movies, grandpa.”
Kids theses days.
posted by Thorzdad at 4:30 PM on December 29, 2023 [11 favorites]
I'm shocked, so far there's been a couple in there I'd never heard before!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:34 PM on December 29, 2023
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:34 PM on December 29, 2023
My favorite from the compendium of dad jokes my family gave me a few years ago (and I may have told the one in a previous thread, but it’s worth it):
What’s the difference between a Brussels sprout and a booger?
You ever tried to get a kid to eat a Brussels sprout?
posted by nickmark at 4:41 PM on December 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
What’s the difference between a Brussels sprout and a booger?
You ever tried to get a kid to eat a Brussels sprout?
posted by nickmark at 4:41 PM on December 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
These are fun, thank you!
posted by an octopus IRL at 4:48 PM on December 29, 2023
posted by an octopus IRL at 4:48 PM on December 29, 2023
I used to work with a guy who would start every meeting with a dad joke. Everyone would groan, but it was a happy groan. Good dad jokes hit that exact sweet spot of being funny and maybe slightly hint at naughtiness, without being mean in any way.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:05 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Dip Flash at 5:05 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
man, the first one I got was
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:23 PM on December 29, 2023 [24 favorites]
Q: Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?and I really did not expect to actually laugh at one of these
A: Because they're really good at it.
posted by DoctorFedora at 5:23 PM on December 29, 2023 [24 favorites]
Why were beach balls so expensive this year?
INFLATION.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 5:27 PM on December 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
INFLATION.
posted by HypotheticalWoman at 5:27 PM on December 29, 2023 [12 favorites]
This is fantastic, and I, too, am okay with my tax dollars paying for this. (Delighted, even!)
I have no idea when this segment of the site went live, or whose idea it was to create it, but it totally fits, for me, with the Biden Administration.
I am delighted to know about this. Thank you for sharing it, JHarris!
posted by kristi at 5:43 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
I have no idea when this segment of the site went live, or whose idea it was to create it, but it totally fits, for me, with the Biden Administration.
I am delighted to know about this. Thank you for sharing it, JHarris!
posted by kristi at 5:43 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
As a dad who has spent years embarrassing his daughter with these, I heartily approve of this post. Looking forward to mining this thread and the FPP for new material!
In the meantime, reflecting on my recent 60th birthday; the older I get, the more I regret all the people I've lost over the years.
Maybe being a trail guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
posted by TedW at 5:44 PM on December 29, 2023 [32 favorites]
In the meantime, reflecting on my recent 60th birthday; the older I get, the more I regret all the people I've lost over the years.
Maybe being a trail guide wasn't such a great idea after all.
posted by TedW at 5:44 PM on December 29, 2023 [32 favorites]
20 of those in a row worked beautifully to get my kids in a suitable mindset for bed
seriously, it's much appreciated! they were like a mechanical watch
(wound up)
posted by Baethan at 5:49 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
seriously, it's much appreciated! they were like a mechanical watch
(wound up)
posted by Baethan at 5:49 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
Dad Jokes are how eye roll.
I keep all my Dad Jokes in a dad-a-base.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:02 PM on December 29, 2023 [15 favorites]
I keep all my Dad Jokes in a dad-a-base.
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:02 PM on December 29, 2023 [15 favorites]
Little eirias wants to be a dad when she grows up so she can tell dad jokes. This bit of professional development has now been passed on to her.
posted by eirias at 6:24 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by eirias at 6:24 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
My SO has long been annoyed by my constant stream of dad jokes given that we don't have kids. Sadly, my niece is more into poop humor than a good dad joke, but that's ok, I tell them for my own amusement.
Several of the ones that popped up when I looked at the site had me in stitches. As usual, Georgia just left the room with a comment like "Oh God, why does he torture me so?" There's no accounting for taste.
posted by wierdo at 6:59 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
Several of the ones that popped up when I looked at the site had me in stitches. As usual, Georgia just left the room with a comment like "Oh God, why does he torture me so?" There's no accounting for taste.
posted by wierdo at 6:59 PM on December 29, 2023 [1 favorite]
My wife is much shorter than me. We've been married 30 years, and she still doesn't know I've gone bald.
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:04 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 7:04 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
Hi, okay with my tax dollars paying for this. I'm dad.
posted by logicpunk at 7:25 PM on December 29, 2023 [15 favorites]
posted by logicpunk at 7:25 PM on December 29, 2023 [15 favorites]
I know a joke about ceilings. But it's probably over your head.
posted by SPrintF at 7:57 PM on December 29, 2023 [14 favorites]
posted by SPrintF at 7:57 PM on December 29, 2023 [14 favorites]
If Fox News does an attack piece on this, maybe dads will finally turn it off
posted by wheelieman at 8:01 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by wheelieman at 8:01 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
Sadly, my niece is more into poop humor than a good dad joke
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr.Dre.
posted by Slinga at 8:37 PM on December 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr.Dre.
posted by Slinga at 8:37 PM on December 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
Also the answer to "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?"
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:12 PM on December 29, 2023 [3 favorites]
A stick.
Also the answer to "What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?"
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:12 PM on December 29, 2023 [3 favorites]
Did you hear about the guy who couldn't come?
They went and got him.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:14 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
They went and got him.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:14 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
I'm afraid for my 2023 calendar...its days are numbered.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:15 PM on December 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:15 PM on December 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
What do you call a fish wearing a bow-tie?
Sofishticated.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:16 PM on December 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
Sofishticated.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:16 PM on December 29, 2023 [7 favorites]
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Hey, bartender, gimme a beer - and a mop."
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:19 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:19 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
Is this a good use of tax dollars?
I'm a frayed knot.
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 9:21 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
I'm a frayed knot.
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 9:21 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
Why will you never go hungry in the desert? Because of all the sand which is there.
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, wait a minute, how did you do that?"
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:22 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
A snake walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, wait a minute, how did you do that?"
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:22 PM on December 29, 2023 [6 favorites]
I was at the pub last night, and a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note, I'm terrible at darts.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:24 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
On a related note, I'm terrible at darts.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:24 PM on December 29, 2023 [4 favorites]
When does a joke become a Dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:32 PM on December 29, 2023 [16 favorites]
posted by Rat Spatula at 9:32 PM on December 29, 2023 [16 favorites]
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
On a side note, thanks to my favorite uncle I'm pretty sure I've learned EVERY elephant joke.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:34 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
On a side note, thanks to my favorite uncle I'm pretty sure I've learned EVERY elephant joke.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:34 PM on December 29, 2023 [2 favorites]
but they mention that dad jokes get kids to think about language.
They even get me to think about language. The dad jokes of my youth don’t quite work for my kids, and in some cases I think it’s because the puns don’t quite work any more in their vernacular, which has shifted over decades and continents. Example:
Q: What’s E.T. short for?
A: Because he’s got little legs.
posted by rh at 9:34 PM on December 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
They even get me to think about language. The dad jokes of my youth don’t quite work for my kids, and in some cases I think it’s because the puns don’t quite work any more in their vernacular, which has shifted over decades and continents. Example:
Q: What’s E.T. short for?
A: Because he’s got little legs.
posted by rh at 9:34 PM on December 29, 2023 [13 favorites]
the puns don’t quite work in our respective vernaculars
Hey, I'll respect your vernaculars if you respect mine.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:36 PM on December 29, 2023 [3 favorites]
Hey, I'll respect your vernaculars if you respect mine.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:36 PM on December 29, 2023 [3 favorites]
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When it's groan.
posted by ryoshu at 9:41 PM on December 29, 2023 [11 favorites]
When it's groan.
posted by ryoshu at 9:41 PM on December 29, 2023 [11 favorites]
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
Because the paracetamol.
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 10:59 PM on December 29, 2023 [3 favorites]
Because the paracetamol.
posted by Calvin and the Duplicators at 10:59 PM on December 29, 2023 [3 favorites]
You know, I really love the database of dad jokes, but I am really deeply moved by the existence of the parent (pun not intended) site.
I mean: parenting is hard. We all know how much garbage mothers get, and how hard it is to juggle all the things moms are asked to do. But fatherhood is often, in some circles, minimized; some dads end up feeling like their only value is as a paycheck, or worse - they have no value at all.
To have an official government site say - hey: you matter. Your efforts make a difference in your kids' lives. Being a dad isn't always a walk in the park, but making time for your kids, supporting your kids, being involved even through the challenges - that makes a huge difference to your kids -
I am glad there are people providing support and education and encouragement for dads, just as I am glad when there are people providing support and education and encouragement for moms.
Helping each other be better at parenting is one of my favorite things about MetaFilter.
I am grateful and gladdened to see my government doing it, too.
End derail:
Do you know what the loudest pet is?
A trumpet.
And:
A man went to the doctor. He had a cucumber in one ear. A hot dog in the other ear. And two carrots stuck up his nose. He asked the doctor what was wrong with him and the doctor said:
"I don't think you're eating properly."
posted by kristi at 11:06 PM on December 29, 2023 [21 favorites]
I mean: parenting is hard. We all know how much garbage mothers get, and how hard it is to juggle all the things moms are asked to do. But fatherhood is often, in some circles, minimized; some dads end up feeling like their only value is as a paycheck, or worse - they have no value at all.
To have an official government site say - hey: you matter. Your efforts make a difference in your kids' lives. Being a dad isn't always a walk in the park, but making time for your kids, supporting your kids, being involved even through the challenges - that makes a huge difference to your kids -
I am glad there are people providing support and education and encouragement for dads, just as I am glad when there are people providing support and education and encouragement for moms.
Helping each other be better at parenting is one of my favorite things about MetaFilter.
I am grateful and gladdened to see my government doing it, too.
End derail:
Do you know what the loudest pet is?
A trumpet.
And:
A man went to the doctor. He had a cucumber in one ear. A hot dog in the other ear. And two carrots stuck up his nose. He asked the doctor what was wrong with him and the doctor said:
"I don't think you're eating properly."
posted by kristi at 11:06 PM on December 29, 2023 [21 favorites]
Two I've heard Alan Davis tell on QI.
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What's red and stands in the corner?
A: A naughty strawberry.
And one from Ian Dury.
Q: What's green and got wheels?
A: Grass; I lied about the wheels!
posted by Paul Slade at 12:16 AM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
Q: What's red and stands in the corner?
A: A naughty strawberry.
And one from Ian Dury.
Q: What's green and got wheels?
A: Grass; I lied about the wheels!
posted by Paul Slade at 12:16 AM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
On a side note, thanks to my favorite uncle I'm pretty sure I've learned EVERY elephant joke.
I've heard a lot of elephant jokes, I just can't remember them
posted by chavenet at 2:27 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
I've heard a lot of elephant jokes, I just can't remember them
posted by chavenet at 2:27 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish.
posted by DreamerFi at 2:54 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by DreamerFi at 2:54 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
I've heard a lot of elephant jokes
Me too - I've got a trunkful.
posted by Paul Slade at 3:35 AM on December 30, 2023 [7 favorites]
Me too - I've got a trunkful.
posted by Paul Slade at 3:35 AM on December 30, 2023 [7 favorites]
The best dad jokes are the ones I make up on the spot, I can’t help it. It’s genetic I think.
Playing cards with my son, he asked excitedly “dad, what’s the biggest hand you ever had?” And I wordlessly stuck my palm in his face, fingers spread… he just stared for a moment, turned to the kid next to him and said “…you see what I live with?”
posted by caution live frogs at 6:53 AM on December 30, 2023 [8 favorites]
Playing cards with my son, he asked excitedly “dad, what’s the biggest hand you ever had?” And I wordlessly stuck my palm in his face, fingers spread… he just stared for a moment, turned to the kid next to him and said “…you see what I live with?”
posted by caution live frogs at 6:53 AM on December 30, 2023 [8 favorites]
The dad jokes have been here since 2017. I remember a real concern that Trump would kill our very important Dad Joke National Reserve when he came to office. Fortunately, it still stands.
posted by rednikki at 7:50 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by rednikki at 7:50 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
Did you know if you put pepper on a cat's tail, it'll fall off?
If you put just about anything on a cat's tail it'll fall off.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 8:40 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
If you put just about anything on a cat's tail it'll fall off.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 8:40 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
What's the difference between a man in a tuxedo on a bike and a clown on a unicycle?
Attire.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 8:42 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
Attire.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 8:42 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a dog?
Santa wears a full red suits; the dog just pants.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 9:36 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
Santa wears a full red suits; the dog just pants.
posted by Samuel Farrow at 9:36 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
What were the peanut’s last words to his wife?
‘Bye honey! I’ll be back in a Jif!
posted by TedW at 10:01 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
‘Bye honey! I’ll be back in a Jif!
posted by TedW at 10:01 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
What's blue and tastes like red paint?
Blue paint.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 10:08 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
Blue paint.
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 10:08 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
Thank you, JHarris, this is lovely. Really enjoying the jokes, as well as knowing about our strategic humor reserve.
posted by cupcakeninja at 10:12 AM on December 30, 2023
posted by cupcakeninja at 10:12 AM on December 30, 2023
A man walked into a bee store and asked for a dozen bees.
The woman behind the counter handed him 13 bees.
"What's this?" the man asked, pointing to the 13th bee.
"Oh, that's a free bee."
posted by chavenet at 10:13 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
The woman behind the counter handed him 13 bees.
"What's this?" the man asked, pointing to the 13th bee.
"Oh, that's a free bee."
posted by chavenet at 10:13 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
When I was a kid I read this joke: "Q: How do you get down off an elephant? A: You don't; you get down off a duck".
Twenty years later, I finally got it.
posted by acrasis at 10:30 AM on December 30, 2023 [8 favorites]
Twenty years later, I finally got it.
posted by acrasis at 10:30 AM on December 30, 2023 [8 favorites]
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. But she wasn’t the sole owner; there were strings attached.
I hope the co-owner isn't a heel...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:37 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
I hope the co-owner isn't a heel...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:37 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:42 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:42 AM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
I have an irrational fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:43 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:43 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:43 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:43 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
What did the fisherman say to the magician?
Pick a cod, any cod.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:44 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
Pick a cod, any cod.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:44 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Never mind—it's tearable.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:46 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Never mind—it's tearable.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:46 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
I've lost control, I don't see an end, there's no escape. I don't even have a home anymore.
I really need to buy a new keyboard.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
I really need to buy a new keyboard.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
A dog limps into a saloon and says "I'm lookin for the man that shot my paw."
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 11:02 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by Pickman's Next Top Model at 11:02 AM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
"I don't think you're eating properly."
ded now.
posted by supermedusa at 11:17 AM on December 30, 2023
ded now.
posted by supermedusa at 11:17 AM on December 30, 2023
Am I going to have to wait 20 years to understand the one about the duck and the elephant?
posted by supermedusa at 11:22 AM on December 30, 2023
posted by supermedusa at 11:22 AM on December 30, 2023
I recently read a fanfic at Archive of Our Own in which Bucky Barnes, trying to survive after the events of The Winter Soldier, ends up in Queens, where he runs into a young Peter Parker, who in this version is a 14-year-old orphan who has run away from foster care after one too many terrible placements. They bond, Peter Parker ends up moving into Bucky's apartment, lots of stuff happens (it's kind of a long one). Their relationship progresses, and at just the right moment, the writer deploys the old chestnut:
Peter says, "I'm hungry."
Bucky says, "Hi, hungry, I'm dad."
And it is handled so well that it has tremendous emotional impact. I was really impressed. Best use of a dad joke ever.
posted by Well I never at 11:29 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Peter says, "I'm hungry."
Bucky says, "Hi, hungry, I'm dad."
And it is handled so well that it has tremendous emotional impact. I was really impressed. Best use of a dad joke ever.
posted by Well I never at 11:29 AM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Am I going to have to wait 20 years to understand the one about the duck and the elephant?
The joke plays with the meaning down as in "the opposite of up" and down as in "filling for a warm jacket".
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:38 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
The joke plays with the meaning down as in "the opposite of up" and down as in "filling for a warm jacket".
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:38 AM on December 30, 2023 [2 favorites]
What do you call a spider with ten eyes?
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:21 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
A spiiiiiiiiiider.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:21 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
posted by Daily Alice at 12:29 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
A fsh.
posted by Daily Alice at 12:29 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
down. wow...thank you.
posted by supermedusa at 12:49 PM on December 30, 2023
posted by supermedusa at 12:49 PM on December 30, 2023
Oh, sorry, supermedusa!
posted by acrasis at 12:53 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by acrasis at 12:53 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No-eye deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eye deer!
In order to keep this thread PG-rated, I will leave it to the reader to determine what a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no, um, testicles is called.
posted by TedW at 1:16 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
No-eye deer!
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no-eye deer!
In order to keep this thread PG-rated, I will leave it to the reader to determine what a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no, um, testicles is called.
posted by TedW at 1:16 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
I don't know that, but I know the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts: beer nuts are $1.75, deer nuts are under a buck.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:21 PM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:21 PM on December 30, 2023 [6 favorites]
In order to keep this thread PG-rated, I will leave it to the reader to determine what a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no, um, testicles is called.
Still no-eye doe.
posted by logicpunk at 1:34 PM on December 30, 2023
To which my 5-year-old granddaughter replies, “Cows don’t watch movies, grandpa.”
You mean you haven't seen them herding down to the CineMOOOOO?
posted by Western Infidels at 3:05 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
You mean you haven't seen them herding down to the CineMOOOOO?
posted by Western Infidels at 3:05 PM on December 30, 2023 [1 favorite]
Where did they send the criminal crystal?
To prism. It was a light sentence.
You need to be on the spectrum to get this joke...
posted by birdsquared at 3:34 PM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
To prism. It was a light sentence.
You need to be on the spectrum to get this joke...
posted by birdsquared at 3:34 PM on December 30, 2023 [5 favorites]
As Xmas has just ended, I can crow about giving the best gift ever: a broken drum.
It can't be beat
posted by birdsquared at 3:36 PM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
It can't be beat
posted by birdsquared at 3:36 PM on December 30, 2023 [3 favorites]
What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr.Dre.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNGGGG.
posted by Wild_Eep at 8:07 PM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
A stick.
What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?
Dr.Dre.
What's brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNGGGG.
posted by Wild_Eep at 8:07 PM on December 30, 2023 [4 favorites]
How much does it cost to put in a new chimney?
Nothing. It's on the house.
posted by storybored at 8:24 AM on December 31, 2023 [5 favorites]
Nothing. It's on the house.
posted by storybored at 8:24 AM on December 31, 2023 [5 favorites]
You mean you haven't seen them herding down to the CineMOOOOO?
This statement brought to you by the Interrupting Cow.
posted by JHarris at 10:48 AM on December 31, 2023 [2 favorites]
This statement brought to you by the Interrupting Cow.
posted by JHarris at 10:48 AM on December 31, 2023 [2 favorites]
*Driving past a dozen cows in a field*
Me: Look mini-Mitheral, a flock of cows.
mM: Herd, Dad.
M: Pardon?
mM: Herd of cows.
M: 'Course I've heard of cows, we just passed a flock of them.
posted by Mitheral at 5:33 PM on January 3 [6 favorites]
Me: Look mini-Mitheral, a flock of cows.
mM: Herd, Dad.
M: Pardon?
mM: Herd of cows.
M: 'Course I've heard of cows, we just passed a flock of them.
posted by Mitheral at 5:33 PM on January 3 [6 favorites]
I'm late but since we're onto cows:
Whaddya call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
2 legs? Lean beef.
1 leg? Stake.
posted by adekllny at 1:28 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]
Whaddya call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
2 legs? Lean beef.
1 leg? Stake.
posted by adekllny at 1:28 PM on January 4 [1 favorite]
Mod note: Apologies for the delay in informing the community that this post has been added to the Best Of blog. My computer got drunk from all the screenshots it took last night.
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 4:57 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]
posted by Brandon Blatcher (staff) at 4:57 AM on January 5 [4 favorites]
Did you hear that the police captured the streaker? They chased him into the church and then grabbed him by the organ.
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:24 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]
posted by zerobyproxy at 12:24 PM on January 8 [1 favorite]
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She asked me, “Do you know what kind of driver doesn’t need a license?” When I admitted I did not, she said, “A screwdriver,” and then sat down, looking quite pleased.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 3:46 PM on December 29, 2023 [38 favorites]